Falling in Love…Again and Again

Do you feel love? This question first appears easy to answer. However, nothing is ever as it seems, including what we call love. Let’s us an exercise to illustrate the predicament that this question causes. Did you answer yes to the above question?  And, if so, how do you justify your answer? Yes, you feel something. But, a feeling is, at best, temporary and usually based on misconceptions. Still, let’s play out our inquiry about falling into love. You bump into someone at the grocery store. There is something about this person. You don’t know what. Nevertheless, your head tells you that he/she is perfect. And, suddenly you claim to be in love.


And, yes, this happens to everyone. Countless people fall in love at least once or twice a week 😊. Likewise, these same people insist they are in love without knowing why. Therefore, again I ask what is it that you feel? Love has been the center point of conversations, romantic literature and music for thousands of years. Nonetheless, talking, reading or singing about a feeling does not verify that it is love. And, no, I am not being cynical.  However, what we do with this feeling does not mean that symbols, definitions, or conditioned behavior is love. These are, rather, only tangible and non-tangible objects, thoughts and emotions that we label as love.

Therefore, the joys and sorrows of a supposed love may ultimately have nothing to do with actual love. I realize this insight is likely confusing, abstract and slightly irritating. However, let’s consider this idea for a moment. When you feel joy, it is because of an emotion. Something you see, hear or touch triggers emotions that generate feelings. Thus, in our example, you claim to be in love.

Falling in Love Is not What It Seems

Nonetheless, these feelings of desire, need and attraction are only a state of mind. Psychologists use the term limerence (overwhelming romantic love) to express this mental conditional behavior. This is the act of falling in love. This is what happens when you think that you have meet that special someone. Suddenly there are fireworks, violins and you will do anything to be with this person. Thus, complex feelings overwhelm you due to mind and behavioral conditioning. Strangely, three weeks later, give or take, you bump into another person that you think is that special someone 😉. Nevertheless, it is very likely that none of this behavior has anything to do with love. At least, not unconditional love.

Thus, anxiety and confuse often overshadow your experience of falling in love. The thoughts and feelings associated with falling in love distract us from the pure experience of being in love. This causes a person to focus more on a thought, emotion, or thing rather than being love and being alive. This may first sound confusing, but let’s attempt to put this into perspective. We can use the example of love at first sight to illustrate.

The experience of meeting someone causes an array of thoughts and emotions. Thus, people quickly label such experiences as falling in love. Accordingly, the mind will continue to offer thoughts and emotions that support the claim that you are in love. Hence, it is only these mind-generated thoughts, emotions, and chemical reactions that insist you are in love. However, thoughts and feelings are only as true as you choose. And, through these choices you label the experience as falling in love. 


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